今敏監督逝去
『パーフェクト・ブルー』を観たときの衝撃は忘れられない。
『千年女優』を観たときの、背筋を駆け抜けて行った戦慄を忘れない。
『東京ゴッドファーザーズ』を観たときに与えられた、実生活には根拠の無い満足感を忘れない。
『妄想代理人』を観たときの、あり得ないほどの「月子」へのシンクロニシティは今も続いている。
『パプリカ』は未観である。
RIP
Remodeling the weblog theme more and more by my own preference
sorry again for the designer of this weblog theme, sorry from my mind!
I know the CSS you wrote is very cool, but
I like much more monotonous Styles to be seen
so some properties and values in your CSS are made my selfish coating
and the remodeled theme looks more weird and uncanny...
that's what I've wanted to
No Paranoia, No Mania
One of the most famous old sayings shows
"The meaning of life is to die"
that indicates who wants to die by oneself doesn't
realize the "true" meaning of life
Now I have no eagerness to do sth appriciated socially,
no will to kill myself being despared with my own life,
no desire to be absorbed in childish and crude hobbies,
and no energy to survive for f'in' 10's and 20's
Everything seems to be an obligation, nevertheless,
all I've done is regarded as of no use
This means my life has no meaning and no significance,
even though it used be felt as a senseful and memorable one for me
It's the time I think the miserable times go to the end
Death is more implied than life with no satisfaction or even with mental extraordinarinesses,
even if it is brought by other persons or by yourself
So I can say "The meaning of death is to die"
To keep myself away from this dilemma, need to be paranoia at all, and
have many delusions in my brain that may make my life satisfied
Or I need to be mania in every aspect of my circumstance, and
have much fury against the government, the society and the family
Either way of life let me free from that double-binding,
they're different from surviving this silly and absurd world,
or choosing suicide using rope, briquettes or H2S gas
Don't you agree to it? --no, I don't recommend
Changed the design a little bit...
sorry to the original designer of this theme,
while "h2.gif" has been got the favorite icon image
so it's used all around this weblog...
sorry!!
Escape from Heaven full of my Badd Blood (is beside you)
My room is soaked with my blood,
it's because I'm been so thirsty I drink my own blood
Cut the arms or the legs by disinfected cheap cutting-knife
and suck the dark-red fluid by the dried and rough mouth
It tastes no nice but no bad, and no flavor,
exactly speaking, it's not able to be tasted anyhow
This is NOT a phlebotomy denpendence, BUT
a way to make the human stay alive
Fired, tax-increased, and suffered from 5 different diseases,
Hearing the mad man's screaming, seeing the irregularly assembled garbages,
and feeling no one could manage these problems without myself
Latest news says the average Japanese man's life-span has been longer (78yrs and more?)
and I realized I myself have lived no more than a third of it
What a long and tiring life you have lived and will!
I can hardly stand the insane human life, so
I absorb my blood ;this is the only method for me to keep being sane
That reminds you many kind of old tales, occultistic legends, or
ridiculous cartoons, animations and pc-games, and famous novels
But they all have no relationship with the madnesses above
I'm the only one being in my head who does those crazy behaviors,
I'm the only one who thinks that thought may releave the ill and evil body
That sounds funny, doen't it?
Escape from the Ring in Hell of Bad Smell (is impossible...)
Some girl said "I don't know everything, what I know is only what I know"
This words of hers are half truth, I agree.
If it's regarded as a world-wide common fact, then I can say
"What I am is only what I am, while what they think I am never is what I think I am"
I am not such a Cartesian that you can easily make me a poor subjective-idealist.
Sometimes I think words, images and various representations are prior to ideas or concepts,
extremely further to say, they can stand by no condition of brains.
Not everybody's brain comes under that "axiom"; only mine is such a subjection that
my self-image has no probablity of my self-shaping or the other self-hypnotizaion or sth like that.
In the end I've got completely not to be able to control what they think of me.
This is how what they think I am can never be what I think I am.
My face, my body, my behavior, my words, even my thoughts are being made day by day
where I don't know at all!!
Now they are not mine. I do not have them. Mine is not mine. And
I am not what I am.
This is the reality I've found all the way for Decades.
