Escape from the Ring in Hell of Bad Smell (is impossible...)

Some girl said "I don't know everything, what I know is only what I know"
This words of hers are half truth, I agree.
If it's regarded as a world-wide common fact, then I can say
"What I am is only what I am, while what they think I am never is what I think I am"


I am not such a Cartesian that you can easily make me a poor subjective-idealist.
Sometimes I think words, images and various representations are prior to ideas or concepts,
extremely further to say, they can stand by no condition of brains.


Not everybody's brain comes under that "axiom"; only mine is such a subjection that
my self-image has no probablity of my self-shaping or the other self-hypnotizaion or sth like that.
In the end I've got completely not to be able to control what they think of me.


This is how what they think I am can never be what I think I am.
My face, my body, my behavior, my words, even my thoughts are being made day by day
where I don't know at all!!
Now they are not mine. I do not have them. Mine is not mine. And
I am not what I am.


This is the reality I've found all the way for Decades.